100 Days of Bingsu

Doren is 100 days old! Why, you ask, is that significant? Because we're in Korea, that's why. But, first, why the name Bingsu? Well, one evening our family was sharing patbingsu, a dessert of shaved ice, ice cream, sweetened condensed milk, red beans (trust me, its good) and topped with fruit or whatever flavor they make. It's sweet, it's delicious and it's a cute word so I blurted out, "Baby Bingsu!" Now Doren has a Korean name!

Various flavors of bingsu

In Korea, its traditional to celebrate a baby's 100th day because way back when not many babies survived that long due to diseases. So once the baby reaches 100 days old, it's pretty likely they will make it to one year and more. Of course now conditions are significantly better, but there is still a party celebrating the baby's health, the mother's recovery and to introduce the baby to extended family and friends. Until then, babies don't really go out in public. Korean babies are like baby pigeons - we know they exist but no one has ever actually seen one. I don't know how people do it though. I have to get out because of the two older boys. There is no way I could hunker down for three plus months while the big boys drive me crazy indoors. They must get help from the grandparents and family members. So the party is basically a "coming out party" when the baby is big enough and strong enough to be exposed. I've heard of Americans around here having a 100 Day party and even getting the traditional dol-bok outfit, but, eh, I don't feel like taking the time to organize all of that. Sorry, Bingsu.

Here's a little cutie in her dol-bok

We have seen a lot shocked and surprised faces at the sight of Doren and I'm not sure if it's because he's bald and not Korean or if they were disapproving of such a small baby being outside. He was barely even six pounds a few weeks after birth. And usually when you see a baby he or she is already quite chunky with excellent head control. Koreans like their babies CHUB-EE and I must say its delightful to see so many adorable chunkers all over the place. I do love the chunks.

Not even filling out his newborn-size onesie.

 

"Hi! Are you my friend?" (a few weeks old)

(Almost three months old)

I love baby toe balls

Bingsu is lucky to have two doting big brothers. Tobin is excellent. He gives him a few kisses throughout the day and entertains him when I have to put him down to do something. No jealousy whatsoever, just love and affection in moderation. Jonah doesn't show any signs of jealousy either, which I'm so grateful for, but OH the violence of his affection! Whenever Doren is accessible to him, either in the bouncy seat or when I'm sitting with him, Jonah becomes giddy and goofy with adoration. It gets to the point that we have to pull him off the baby. He's not trying to hurt him - he's just so in love that he wants to touch and hug and kiss and squeeze and love him ALL DAY LONG. I'm sure (I hope) this phase will pass...especially when Doren finds his fist and connects it with Jonah's nose.
"I've literally been waiting my whole life to do that!" -Doren.

"...and call him Bingsu!"

Mooshy squooshy

Getting to know cousin Claire Anne, who visited us for three weeks

On our way home after a fun day at the beach

He's so squishy!

Admirers everywhere

"How YOU doin'?"

He wakes up every morning with plenty of smiles and plenty of toots, like a Happy Horn of the East announcing the morning sun. He's a flirt, too, cooing at me with one raised eyebrow and a dimple. He sure has stolen our hearts and we're so happy to have him.
 

This is one of my favorites :)

Happy 100 days, Bingsu! May you live 100 years!

Third Time's the Charm: Doren's Birth

Doren Nicolas Holt was born May 9 at 5:30am in Seoul at the MediFlower Women's Clinic and Birth Center (glitter&harps!). Almost two weeks later, I'm still amazed at how great the experience was and how much better I feel this time around. Here's the story...

But first, in order to explain why Doren's birth was so great, I have to talk a little bit about the other two. When I was about 35 weeks pregnant with Toby, I was told that he was breech and would have to have a c-section if he didn't turn over. This was really disappointing news for me because I had been planning on a natural birth. We tried everything we could but he didn't budge so I ended up having a c-section, which in hindsight probably wasn't really necessary, but I didn't know that at the time. The recovery was really hard for me and besides my parents visiting for 10 days, I had little to no help at all because Marc was still in grad school and gone most of the day. I survived on trail mix because I couldn't get anything else. Feeding Toby was a major challenge that caused a lot of pain, tears and frustration. Looking back on that whole experience, our situation, and everything I was dealing with at that time, its a miracle that I didn't have full-blown postpartum depression. I honestly don't know how I escaped it because I had a laundry list of signs stacked against me. With Jonah, I was determined not to have a repeat cesarean. Fortunately, I found a doctor and a doula who were totally supportive and Jonah cooperated by being in the right position. I went through about 8 hours of irregular, moderate contractions and then suddenly they were on top of each other and we had to rush to the hospital. There was no time for my doula to come to our house. We just met her there and he was born about 90 minutes later. I got the au naturale VBAC that I wanted, but he came out so fast that I ended up with a serious amount of third-degree tearing which meant I had to immediately go to the OR to be stitched up. Physically, the recovery wasn't much easier than the c-section, but this time we lived closer to my parents and I had more help in the form of friends bringing dinners to us. Feeding Jonah started off pretty rocky but soon got so much better - completely the opposite of Tobin, thank goodness.

And now for Doren...

On Thursday, May 8, I remember feeling particularly uncomfortable in my back and pelvis, but it wasn't until around 3:00pm that I started feeling more acute cramping in my lower abdomen. Two friends came over with their kids for a play date and I'm SO glad they were there. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling were contractions or just digestion issues. I told them when I felt something and they both said, "Oh yeah, that's a contraction!" It was good to get their feedback because I was completely in denial. It was Thursday and I wasn't due until Sunday and really felt like I would go past. And Marc and Toby had a bunch of sports events on Saturday that I really wanted them to participate in. This wasn't supposed to happen yet!

After my friends left I continued to feel more alleged contractions so Marc and I talked about what to do. He suggested going up to Seoul to stay in the Army Lodge so we could be close to MediFlower just in case. The contractions were so far apart and irregular that I felt it might be too hasty, but we decided to just go. (This turned out to be one of the best decisions we've ever made!) So we packed up our stuff, loaded the car and hit the road for Seoul at around 9:30pm. The boys were very excited about this spontaneous night trip to a hotel! I was still in denial. We arrived around 11:00 with the boys still awake and immediately went to bed. At 12:45am I woke up from a contraction. It wasn't too bad. And then another came 20 minutes later, then another. I was up and down to the bathroom and back to bed for the next few hours. At around 1:45am there was some bloody show and I was finally convinced. At 3:30am, since I was up anyway, I was able to easily respond to an email from a friend. By 3:50 things had turned serious enough that I woke up Marc and called my doula to tell her I thought I should probably head over to MediFlower soon and meet her there. I suggested to Marc that I take a taxi so that the boys could sleep longer since I still thought this could take awhile, but fortunately that idea was squashed with the next few contractions. It was clear that we should all go together because this was going to happen soon. Marc jumped in the shower and in the few minutes he was in there things got pretty serious. I told him to hurry up! He took everything down to the car while I did my best getting socks and sweaters on our sleeping boys. I couldn't do much because the contractions were requiring all of my attention at this point.

One of the few pre-birth pictures: Selfie between contractions as I'm trying to get Jonah's sweatshirt on at the hotel.

Marc was back within a few minutes, but by now I wasn't even sure how I was going to walk to the elevator and then to the car. It was only a 5 mile drive from the hotel to the clinic (and at 4:30am - probably the only time traffic isn't bad in Seoul). We arrived at MediFlower and, again, it was quite a feat just moving myself the 20 feet from the car to the elevator. I felt so relieved when the nurses greeted us at the door, but by this time I wasn't seeing faces anymore. I did, however, manage to remember to remove my shoes! (They probably would have wrestled them off me if I hadn't.) I held their arms as they led me to the birth suite where I dropped to my knees next to the bed. I told them in advance that I wanted a water birth, so I asked to get in the tub, but they said it was already being used by someone else. Ugh! That was a blow, but I had no time to be bummed about it. I was on my knees in a prayer-pose against the queen size bed. The boys were sitting on a couch about 3 feet from my head. The nurses asked if I wanted to get on the bed but I didn't know how I would physically move myself, so I stayed put on the floor. With each contraction I mushed my face into the bed, hair stuck all over my sweaty face and did my best low-tone breathing. Pretty soon I could hear my doula's voice and then Dr. Chung's voice, both of whom were trying to keep me calm and slow down my breathing. Within minutes my breaths turned into groaning because his head was right there! With three pushes, and, yes, some screaming, he was out. I didn't know it at the time, but Dr. Chung told Marc to catch the baby, which he did. They told him to pass the baby through my legs. I didn't understand why this was necessary at the time, but later we realized it was because he was still attached to the cord (duh!). Marc passed Doren, all slippery and wet through my legs and then I was able to get up and sit on the edge of the bed. It took quite a long time (and a lot of huffing and puffing) for me to get over the whole experience because it was so fast and intense. Remember, I was able to write an email to my friend from the hotel at 3:30 with manageable contractions and he was born at 5:30am.

I shudder to think what would have happened had we not driven up to the hotel the evening before! It took several hours of here-and-there manageable contractions and then BAM! it hits me and goes really fast. So if we had waited at home, or even waited longer at the hotel, Doren could have been born on some sidewalk by the road.

The birth I had *envisioned* was arriving at MediFlower with my doula, relaxing in a lavender-scented bath, then rolling around on the birth ball while receiving a massage, diffusing more essential oils, and then getting back in the tub to calmly have the baby with minimal noise-making. There was no time for any of that! By the time we all got there, I think I was with my doula for a total of 20 minutes before he was born. Of course she stayed for several hours afterwards to help and get me settled, but just like with Jonah's birth, there was no time for any of the massaging and relaxing techniques from my doula. By the time I realize what is really happening the baby is born within an hour! I also told Marc and my doula in advance that this time I really wanted pictures and video of the labor, but, again, there was no time for that. Oh well!

Like I said, the boys were only 3 feet from my head the entire time, so they saw the whole thing. Ok, not the whole back view and all that "action", but they did see the labor process, the placenta and all the post-birth happenings. I wanted all of us to be together and for them to understand how their brother was born and to see him immediately, not later on as though he magically appeared in Mommy's arms. Yes, they're young, but this was a natural process of life happening right in front of them. I hope they remember it!

They're either really bored or totally traumatized.

The first holding

Dr. Chung made good on his side of the bargain, too! I tore 1cm and only needed a single stitch even though he came out just as quickly as Jonah. Pretty amazing! I will never forget this guy. "Live the happy life and don't worry."

Dr. Chung :)

My doula :)

At birth, Doren weighed only 5lbs 11oz which is odd to me because the other boys were 7.0 and 7.3. If he were a girl it might make sense but I don't understand why another boy was so much smaller. I've definitely been eating my share and even more when I was told he was on the small side for my size. It's a mystery! There was a knot in his cord but that shouldn't have made a difference because its so thick that everything can still flow through it. And he was 20 inches long - an itty bitty little bird. Feeding is going really well and I'm trying my best to put more weight on him. Again, this time the feeding has been by far the easiest for me. Everything is working as it should.

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, salad, fresh fruit, seaweed soup, bagel and croissants. Nice-uh!

Packing up to go home. Look! I'm standing!

Exhausted big brothers

I'm still not used to his name. I keep calling him Jonah and I've even spelled it wrong. Coming up with yet another boy name was hard and Doren was the only name I found that interested me. I thought about what possible nicknames he could be called and Dori is the obvious one, which happens to be what we called my grandma, Doris, or Grandma Dori. Yeah, its kind of a girly name, but I think it could be cute for a boy, too. So there you go. Doren means 'gift' in Hebrew and he really is such a gift. He was born 6 days before I had a miscarriage one year ago. It's crazy for me to think about that.

The past week and a half since he was born has been really wonderful. Marc's job is a lot more flexible so he's been able to take time off. He's done everything with the big boys and the apartment so I can just relax with the baby. I'm amazed at how well I feel so soon. I was able to walk around the same day, which is a far cry from the other two boys. My body has relaxed so much now that I'm not pregnant anymore and it feels wonderful. I'm so glad I made all those freezer meals beforehand and some friends and neighbors have brought dinner to us, too. I feel very well taken care of and so much more confident and calm this time even though Doren is the tiniest one and now I have three to look after. I wish I could tell my first-time-mom self everything I know now and that all new moms could have this time to recover and relax with their baby and be taken care of. I learned a lot from the experiences with my first two boys and now I'm able to enjoy this time with Doren even more. I'm so grateful that this time, the last time, was by far the best experience of them all.

One of Marc's Korean co-worker's wives made us a big tub of seaweed soup which is traditionally given to new moms, a berry syrup potion that's supposed to help with digestion, and gave us several packs of more seaweed.

You can't really tell, but this is a LOT of seaweed soup. I'm choking down as much as I can!

Jonah can't get enough of his baby.

I can't get enough of his velvety little cheeks.

Grunting, gurgling, squeaking and smacking.

Our precious little boy! We're in love!

Spring Update

Hi Friends and Loyal Readers! (All five of you!) It's been a long time since I've written on this here blog. We haven't done anything unique-to-Korea lately that I feel is worth writing about, but I do have some updates.

First, I passed my exam! I'm officially an ICEA Childbirth Educator... aaaaand just in time to go on "maternity leave" from teaching the classes I've been hosting on the Army post. The classes have been great, but I can't do them with a baby...although he would make a terrific audio-visual aid to pass around to the future parents...hmm.

And Marc passed his architecture exams, so he's a legit architect now! It was a long road from grad school to getting the 100s of work hours he needed and then passing eight big exams but its finally complete. Whew! Just let us know if you need some designs or childbirth classes or if you want designs for a childbirth clinic.

Speaking of that, I'm very grateful that I love the clinic where I will (hopefully) be having the baby. And I mean LUV. Its called MediFlower and its a diamond in the rough here in South Korea where most normal births are treated like major medical emergencies (sound familiar, USA?) Just the name "MediFlower" makes me hear harps and see glitter. It's nothing like the hospitals around here that, to me, all look like psych wards from the 1950s. It's a gorgeous "boutique" women's clinic and birth center. It only opened about 4 years ago and I'm so grateful its here and not too far away and that our insurance is accepted there. My doctor, Dr. Chung, is completely amazing. I may have a bit of a doctor-crush, or rather, I'm in awe of him. He's like a Korean Mister Rogers, sweaters and all. He radiates health, wellness and calm. He loves women and birth and the whole process, but not at all in a weird way. He's so chilled out and matter-of-fact about birth - a topic that strikes fear into most people. 

Yeah, he's smart.

This guy!

Photos at MediFlower of three water births and one c-section

At my last appointment I expressed a few concerns about the position of the baby and experiences I had with my other two births that I would rather not repeat. He just smiled and closed his eyes and said in his heavy Korean accent, "Live the happy life and don't worry. That's not going to happen here." And I believe him! He's attended something like 3 or 4,000 births and is a real ObGyn capable of c-sections, etc. but unless there is a true emergency he just watches and waits and lets moms do their thing, only interfering if necessary. All I hear is that he very skilled in natural birth so I feel 100% good about placing my trust in him. AND I found a doula who I love, too, so I think I have a great team. If there is anywhere I can have the birth experience I'm hoping for, its at this place with this doc and this doula. Now I just need Numero Three to cooperate with us! 

I'm now a little over 38 weeks and I can't believe how fast its going! I got all the old stuff out of bins and washed it. It's very sweet seeing and remembering the outfits the boys used to wear. The only thing I've purchased is a used K'tan carrier which will be better for the really hot summer here compared with the other carriers I have. Speaking of the hot summer, that's my biggest concern right now: how I'm going to handle the boys all summer long, sweating like a hog with a brand-new baby strapped to me. These boys have energy to burn and we don't have a yard so I'll have to be out a lot. Thank goodness we moved to this apartment and are in walking distance of things to do, but still, it would be so nice to just send them out to a yard with a kiddie pool and let them burn energy while I watch from my air-conditioned family room.

The other thing I'm anticipating with the arrival of Numero Three are issues with this boy.

A middle child if there ever was one.

Is he a mama's boy? Ohhh just a bit! I can't say that I mind because he still seems a little bit "baby" to me and I love snuggling the little bug, but I really hope he can deal with a new boy in mommy's life and not feel supremely rejected. For the last several months we've been trying to get him out of our bed and into his own big boy bed. I would love to keep him in there with us (heck, let's all pile in there) but I can't have him sleep-slapping and throat-kicking a newborn. That won't do. It has not been easy because Jonah's favorite comfort pose is shoving one or both of his arms down my shirt. He doesn't have a favorite animal or blanket or lovey. An arm down my shirt is all he needs to feel comfy and cozy. He has his own bed in the same room as Toby and he does ok, but he will still come in to my room and climb in bed with me in the middle of the night or when he wakes up in the morning. I have a feeling that jest as I'm finally drifting off to sleep after long hours awake with the baby, I will hear the pitter-patter of Jonah coming to get in bed with me and then throwing a fit (and waking the baby) when Marc tries to get him back in his own bed. This should be interesting...

We're really happy that Spring is here! We've had several nice weather weeks and all the blossoming cherry trees and flowers really improve the looks of this area. So far it hasn't been nearly as windy this Spring as it was last year with the Category 5 blowing that didn't seem like much of an improvement from Winter. The only problem is the extremely poor air quality. Beautiful weather days are usually also days when its recommended not to go outside because of pollution blowing over from China. Once again, I realize now how much I took for granted the fresh, salty sea air blowing in from the Pacific back home every day of my life for over twenty years!

I continue to have my share of ups and downs about being here. Certain things can really get on my nerves and wear me down and it doesn't help when friends leave! I know at least six people/families, who I really like, that have moved away in the last few weeks alone, including my massage therapist! And some of them had kids that my kids were friends with, too. The American community here is pretty small. Being on post feels like what I imagine living in a small town would be like. So when someone you like leaves, it puts a big dent in morale. But on the positive side, people continue to move in and I've met a lot of new friends with kids that my kids like to play with. So the experience keeps evolving. Its the little things that help when I start to feel isolated and sorry for myself - like the Easter festival, where, just like a small town, we saw a lot of people we know; when the commissary actually has everything I need in stock (this is a rare treat); when a really good song comes on the radio that reminds me of high school; when I see the boys having a great time with other kids; and when we have a good day filled with activities. And then just last week I was surprised with a baby shower! I packed a lunch thinking I was taking the boys to a picnic with a few friends and I show up to find presents, cupcakes and more friends! I never expected any kind of shower since this is my third and its another boy, but now the littlest brother doesn't have to wear only boring ol' hand-me-downs. He gets some new stuff, too! I can't believe these new friends of mine did that for me. It really makes it easier to be here when you know some good people and have a feeling of community. Those are things that hold me together and make being so far from everything more doable.

Having a snack at Eggstravaganza

Adorable diaper cake

The biggest brother eating a blue cupcake

The other big news is that Tobin started t-ball a few weeks ago. Marc has spent a lot of time playing catch and practicing hitting with him over the years and now he's very good! I think softball/baseball is his thing, just like Daddy. I guess I better learn all the rules because I will be spending a lot of time at practice and games over the years. And that's just for one boy! I wonder what the other two will be in to. Here is his first game:

You might want to get his autograph now. Its probably going to be worth a lot someday.

Third base

And, finally, here is me. Every bone and muscle in my back is about to disintegrate. The little Prince could come any day but I have a feeling I will go the full 40 weeks or more. My next blog post will likely be about the birth of Numero Three!

Positively planetary

Moving In

The movers showed up at 8am sharp on a Friday morning and I had to quickly scoot out of the house with the boys. Once the movers charge through the door they go straight to work and you better not get in their way. All at once they invade and it was very clear our life at that house was o-ver.
Along with the mover guys was a woman. Her job is to pack up the miscellaneous items in the kitchen and whatever else she finds and does the last minute clean-up of our stuff. She actually put plastic wrap on a bowl of left-over soggy cereal and packed it with the rest of our things.
The movers come in with large crates and fill them with whatever they find to start moving things out. No boxes. Once the truck was full they drove about a mile to the apartment. They removed an entire window and lined up their lift to start moving things in.

Window removed. Moving in Toby's bed.

The truck and lift

Mover riding up the lift.

He was moving really fast! Sorry it's sideways.

Receiving crates

It's getting crowded in here!

I went about the morning trying to run errands and stall as long as possible until there was nothing left to do, then we finally went to the apartment. As expected, it was pure chaos. Every move is overwhelming and this was no exception. It's that feeling of not even knowing where to begin because literally EVERYTHING needs to be put away.

Staying bundled up with all the windows open in winter.

Some of the kitchen crates.

Guest room=Staging area for random stuff.

The woman was now at the new apartment doing her job of putting things away. She generally knows where stuff should go so she started filling closets with clothes and the kitchen with kitchen stuff. By the time I got there with the boys, drawers and cabinets were already filled. Of course, none of it was where I wanted it to go, but at least it was off the floor and out of the way. Despite being pregnant and trying not to overdo it with the move, I couldn't just sit there and not get our things in order. I went to the kitchen to start unloading a bin and the tiny woman put the grip of Death on my wrist to make me stop. I don't know if it was because of my "condition" or because this was her job or both. At first I felt like, "Wait a sec, lady. Who's house is this??" but I gave in, put the stuff down and moved on to the bedroom closet to rearrange all the clothes she had already put away.

This went on through the weekend. Marc doing his thing and me doing mine while simultaneously taking care of the boys and trying to make the house as liveable as possible as quickly as possible.

By Monday I was really sick. So sick that I dare say no Maternal Auto Pilot to Ensure the Survival of my Offspring was going to kick in for me. I could barely open my eyes for a whole day. Thank goodness Marc was able to take sick leave to stay home. The next day I tried reading a book to the boys but had to stop halfway through because it was too exhausting. Did I overdo it? Probably, yes, but I just can't sit around with my feet up when my new nest is in a shambles.

Now that we've been here about 2 weeks, I have to say that I'm so glad we did this. One level is totally the way to go with young kids. I don't know how we survived a whole year with two sets of wooden stairs and no serious injuries, especially with Jonah just learning how to maneuver stairs at the beginning. It's wonderful having everything just a few steps away and although it's a large apartment, it's not overwhelming like the house. And I love the layout and location! I don't know if all Korean apartments are like this, but we have a lot of techy stuff on the walls. There is a small TV in the bathroom with a remote control mounted next to the toilet (just in case you're going to be there a while) and another TV in the kitchen which is also a screen to show when a guest is ringing at the main entrance or your front door. The doorbell sounds like a music box lullaby and continues on for about 20 seconds. And we have at least 5 remote controls that aren't even for the TV.

Truly, a King's Throne. The seat is heated and it flushes automatically. You can spray your bum clean and then let it blow dry at different levels of intensity. Only the best for discerning derrieres.

Another screen for seeing guests at the door, speaking with maintenance and probably ordering a pizza (it's all in Korean), a thermostat, and a light panel that allows you to turn on/off all the lights at once or pick the ones you want.

A knife sterilizer. Duh.

This drawer is meant to be filled with rice. With the push of a button you can dispense as much as you need. I have no use for this. Maybe I'll fill it with M&Ms.

I particularly love this. A "fancy" wall sconce with a bare spiral bulb held up by a screw. No matching cover to hide the ugliness of the bulb. No shade to soften the brightness.

This is a typical elevated platform to put a low table for the family to sit around on mats. We made it a play area for the boys. Yea for storage drawers underneath!

A couple of minor "bummers" about the apartment are the floors and the shocking lack of outlets. The floors must be nothing more than stained balsa wood. Drop a Lego and you have a dent and a permanent scratch. And Heavens-to-Betsy there is a speck of sand under the wheel of the vacuum because that speck is going to leave a huge scar on this delicate floor. We pretty much have to accept the fact that the floors are going to be destroyed by the time we move out of here. They also show everything. I think its partly due to the fact that we live in a rural, farm area that's already very dusty and dirty, because our floors accumulate so much dirt. We don't wear shoes in the house, but somehow there are always piles of dust and debris everywhere. As for the outlets, there are plenty of the Korean 220v outlets, but only one set of US 110v outlets in each major room, not including bathrooms and halls. Its a good thing I don't have a big hair-styling regimen because I'd have to do it in the kitchen. Since all of our plug-in stuff is 110 we have to move heavy converter boxes around when we want to turn on a lamp/washing machine/vacuum cleaner. It's not the end of the world, but kind of a pain.

Anyway, I think this was definitely a smart move. Even if we're only here for one more year and have to move again, I'm glad we did it. We're about 90% finished with putting everything away and it already feels like home - again!